That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
