I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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