I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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