dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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