This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
