I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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