I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
