I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
