Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
