this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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