Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person

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(816): View more from Missouri

We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.

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(714): View more from California

he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight

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(516): View more from New York

Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.

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(925): View more from California

IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE

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(314): View more from Missouri

Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out

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