He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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