and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
