I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
