We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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