hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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