i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
