I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
