a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
