I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
