I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
