well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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