We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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