note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
