we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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