So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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