I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
