I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
