my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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