Three words: puerto rican gang bang
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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