Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
