don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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