My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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