i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
