Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
