I could make wine with my vomit
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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