you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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