We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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