God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
