your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He shit in the fireplace
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
