I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
