Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
