he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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