Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
