I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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