she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
