i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
