I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
