So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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