I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
