Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
whose parrot is this?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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